Though Milwaukee is already known for inexpensive fun, sometimes it's important to take it down a notch--especially when you just spent more than a week's paycheck at Summerfest. We've come up with 10 different ideas on how to have fun in the city for $10 or less, from the intellectual and the arty to the outdoorsy and the fuzzy. Because of the range of options, please be advised that this is by no means an exhaustive list. Have fun!

1. Get Culture Shocked
Milwaukee has a plethora of museums from the world famous to the truly bizarre. Just because you've ogled Calatrava's moving wings at the Milwaukee Art Musuem and walked the Streets of Old Milwaukee doesn't mean you've seen it all. Check out some of the lesser-known places.

The William F. Eisner Museum of Advertising and Design, 208 N. Water St., focuses on the art and cultural impact of advertising. It's the only museum of its kind in the country. Through Aug. 27 you can catch the Hatch show, featuring the famous Nashville poster shop's woodblock prints for Elvis, Wilco and more, and "Dream Girls," offering a glimpse of depictions of women in advertising over the last century. Call (414) 847-3290 or visit www.eisnermuseum.org.

Confront your greatest fears at the International Clown Hall of Fame, 161 W. Wisconsin Ave. (on the lower level of the Shops of Grand Avenue). Inductees include Bozo, Bob Keeshan and Charlie Chaplin. The museum is open from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday and costs $2. Call (414) 319-0848 or visit www.theclownmuseum.org for more details.

The Charles Allis Art Museum at 1801 N. Prospect Ave. holds a collection of fine art--drawings, painting, photography, printmaking and sculpture--that spans over 2000 years. On display through Aug. 8 is "The Rosenblatts: A Family Exhibition," featuring the art of two generations of a well-known Milwaukee family. In mid-August, look for "Luckystar 13," an exhibit sponsored by Luckystar Gallery for which 13 artists created new work inspired by the Allis' permanent collection. Call (414) 278-8295 or visit www.cavtmuseums.org.

The Villa Terrace Decorative Arts Museum, 2220 N. Terrace Ave., features art from the 15th to 18th centuries. Its Renaissance garden is designed to mimic a 16th century Tuscan landscape with dramatic views, thickets, secret gardens and unusual florae. With advance notice, tours can be customized to your interests and last about an hour. The museum's summer program includes Café Sopra Mare, where patrons can enjoy free music and snack on pastries and coffee in the museum's courtyard. Call (414) 278-8295 or visit www.cavtmuseums.org.

See Milwaukee's other famous product in the making--not beer but bikes, during a free tour of the Harley Davidson factory, 11700 W. Capitol Drive. Tours last about an hour and run from 9:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. Monday through Friday. They offer visitors a behind-the-scenes look at the manufacture of American iron. Call (414) 535-3666 for information.

America's Black Holocaust Museum, 2233 N. 4th St., examines the struggles of African Americans in our nation's history. Exhibits change frequently and usually include artwork, lectures, literature and historical artifacts. The museum is open Monday through Saturday from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Current exhibits include "Before Freedom Came: African American Life in the Antebellum South" and "Middle Passage: A Voyage to Slavery." Call (414) 264-2500 for more information.

The Pabst Mansion, 2000 W. Wisconsin Ave., offers both guided (call ahead) and self-guided tours of Milwaukee's most famous and opulent monument to the Gilded Age. Strolling through the museum offers a glimpse into Milwaukee history as well as the life of one of its prominent early families. The mansion also features period exhibits. Call (414) 931-0808 or visit www.pabstmansion.com.

2. See a Concert in the Park
No matter where you live in Milwaukee, you will be able to find free music in the evenings--and not just from your annoying neighbors' stereo. Thursdays are the most popular night for free music with Jazz in the Park at Cathedral Square or the Boerner Botanical Gardens' Concerts. On Sundays, head to Trimborn Farm Park at 8881 W. Grange Avenue for Ethnic Folk Art. Musical Mondays are held at Lake Park, Lake Park Road south of Kenwood Boulevard.

Tuesday features the Marcus Center's free "Live at the Center concerts, outdoors through Aug. 17. Humboldt Park, 3000 S. Howell Ave., has Bandshell Concerts on Tuesdays in July. Pere Marquette Park, 900 N. Plankinton Ave., hosts River Rhythms on Wednesday nights. Also on Wednesdays, the Westown Farmers Market offers free music for lunch from 11:45 a.m. to 1:45 p.m. And smooth jazz will be heard at Washington Park, 1859 N. 40 Street, on Saturday nights. For more information go the Milwaukee County Park's information page at ww.countyparks.com/specialevents/concerts.html. Don't forget to pack a picnic dinner!

3. Stop and Smell the Roses
Visit the Boerner Botanical Gardens in Whitnall Park, 9400 Boerner Drive in Hales Corners, and see 11 different specialty gardens in addition to showcased art by Francesco Spicuzza (through Aug. 3) and Susan Falkman. The gardens are open from 8 a.m. to sunset.

Inclement weather and even holidays won't stand in the way of a visit to the Domes aka the Mitchell Park Horticultural Conservatory, 524 S. Layton Blvd. The Domes transport visitors to tropical jungles and deserts. Passport not required.

4. Have a Beer
Could it really be Milwaukee without the breweries? After all, this is the city that made beer famous. Live out your "Laverne & Shirley" fantasies.

Miller Brewery, 4251 W. State St., offers free hour-long tours between 10 a.m. and 5:30 p.m. Reservations are not required. Call (414) 931-BEER (2337) for more information.

Lakefront Brewery, 1872 N. Commerce St., offers tours at 3 p.m. Monday through Friday. The Friday-night 6 p.m. and 7 p.m. tours include a fish fry. Saturday tours are available at 1, 2 and 3 p.m. Participants must be 21 years old or accompanied by a guardian. Tours cost $3, or $5 with a souvenir pint glass. No reservation is required. Call (414) 372-8800 or visit www.lakefrontbrewery.com.

Sprecher Brewery, at 701 W. Glendale Ave., offers tours on Fridays at 3 p.m. and Saturdays at 1, 2 and 3 p.m. Some weekday tours are available, but you must call (414) 964-2739 between 11 a.m. and 6 p.m. to make reservations. The cost is $3 for adults, $2 for senior citizens and $1 for those under 21 and includes a souvenir pint glass. Adults are allowed four samples and everyone can drink unlimited amounts of Sprecher soda. Visit www.sprecherbrewery.com for more information.

5. Bet It All
If you're 21 or older, visit Potawatami Casino, 1721 W. Canal St., and double your money on bingo, slots, craps, blackjack, roulette and poker. Join their Fire Keeper's club to maximize your comps. And be sure to take advantage of the free, unlimited soda!

6. Take a Hike
Follow the Ice Age Trail through parts of Waukesha County and see wonders of the Southern Kettle Moraine State Forest, including Lapham Peak. Travel 25 miles west of Milwaukee and 1 mile south of Interstate 94 near Delafield, on County Highway C. Visit www.iceagetrail.org for more information. Note: Your car will need a state park admission sticker.

See historic Milwaukee on a daily walking tour that focuses on the city's architectural and cultural history. Tours of downtown are available daily at 10:15 a.m. and last two hours. On weekends, explore Brady Street, the Riverwalk, Milwaukee's skyways, the Lake Drive mansions or many others. Tours are available until Oct. 15. Call (414) 277-7795 or visit www.historicmilwaukee.org for details.

7. Pet a Puppy!
Cheer up a four-legged friend by visiting a local animal shelter. The dogs and cats really appreciate the companionship, and you get free kisses and unconditional love. Plus, you never know when you'll stumble upon your newest best friend! Visit the Wisconsin Humane Society at 4500 W. Wisconsin Ave. or call (414) ANIMALS (264-6257).The Elm-Brook Humane Society, 21210 Enterprise Ave. in Brookfield, can be reached at (262) 782-9261. In Waukesha, visit the Humane Animal Welfare Society at 701 Northview Road or call (262) 542-8851. Check out the Ozaukee County Human Society at 2073 County Truck W. in Grafton or call (262) 377-7580. For additional information and further shelter listings, visit www.petfinder.org.

8. Drink Like a Lady
It's no secret that women drink cheap--or even free--in Milwaukee. Grab a female friend, take her out and make sure she's willing to share drinks. On Wednesdays, visit Vitucci's, 1832 E. North Ave.; Victor's at 1230 N. Van Buren Street; FlyBar, 606 S. 5th St. or Judge's Irish Pub at 1431 E. North Ave. Also be sure to check out Womyn Wednesdays at Art Bar, 722 E. Burleigh for an entirely different vibe.

Thursdays call for the Mantra Lounge, 1905 E. North Ave., Have a Nice Day Café at 1103 N. Old World 3rd St., Centanni, 218 N. Water St., Da Jungle at 618 N. Broadway or Flirt/Finlandia Vodka Night at the Hi Hat,1701 N. Arlington Pl.

9. Park and Ride
Explore Milwaukee in eco-friendly style--on mass transit. It will save you money on both gas and parking, take you everywhere that's interesting and costs next to nothing! Don't forget to ride the Milwaukee Trolley Loop, which operates every twenty minutes Wednesday through Thursday from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. and Friday and Saturday from 11 a.m. to midnight. Sunday's operation hours are from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. The cost is $1, or 50 cents for seniors and the disabled. Visit the Milwaukee County Transit's Web site at www.ridemcts.com for maps and schedules.

10. Read a Book
Milwaukee's public libraries are excellent places to read, relax and enjoy free air conditioning in the summer. Plus, unlike Barnes & Noble, the books are free (provided you return them on time). And Milwaukee's central branch offers the most amazing free service in the world--Ready Reference, available at (414) 286-3011--that can answer any fact-based question you have that is researchable within three-five minutes. Additionally, tours are given at the central branch, 814 W. Wisconsin Ave., at 1:30 p.m. on Saturdays. Other tour times are available by appointment; call (414) 286-TOUR (8687).


Extra Tips To Help Save Money:
- Pack a lunch. Eating out adds up quickly and can easily cost more than your whole day of fun.
- Carry a bottle of water. You don't want to get dehydrated or price-gauged by street vendors.
- Carpool. Gas is expensive; travel with a friend and share the cost.
- Check those meters! A parking ticket can easily break the bank or, at the very least, ruin your day.

(Originally published July 22, 2004)

First it was Christina, who strained her vocal cords. Then it was Britney, who busted her knee. Who knows what will happen to Ms. Simpson after press time so that she, too, will drop out of the Summerfest lineup. I'd put my money on "exhaustion" or possibly "kicked in the shins by Hilary Duff."

Anyway, before all of this madness, we created a fail-proof quiz to help you figure out which pop tart you should pay $60 to see. Unfortunately, it doesn't really matter who best suits your inner junior diva, as all roads now lead to Jessica. But humor us anyway and take the damn quiz. Maybe it'll be useful this fall or winter or sometime next spring...

When you go out, what is your drink?
a. Cosmopolitan--it's pink, girly and loaded with cheap alcohol.
b .Mojito--I'm trendy, possibly South American and know how to shake it.
c. Light beer or oxygen--anything else gives me the stupids.

Have you ever been married?
a. It depends how you define "married."
b. Hell no.
c. Yes. Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who love Jesus and desperately want to exploit their relationship in order to further their careers.

Where do you get your news?
a. E!
b. Usually the free clinic, though sometimes my publicist.
c. The Weekly Reader.

Let's say you're on fire...
a. Damn you, Colin Farrell!
b. No worries, I have antibiotics for that...
c. Oh, now I remember why I'm not supposed to use the stove by myself...

Finish this sentence: A skirt is considered a mini when...
a. It's shorter than mid-thigh and has slits up both legs.
b. It's a belt.
c. It's a car.

The funniest part of my VH1's "Driven" would be that...
a. My childhood photos look suspiciously like those of Jon Benet Ramsey.
b. I was asked not to perform in my school's talent show.
c. I was rejected by the Christian-rock community.

You see something shiny. What is your reaction?
a. See if I can buy it.
b. See if I can mount it.
c. Ooh! Shiny! Sparkle pretty! Look, a butterfly!

In high school, I was...
a. A popular cheerleader.
b. A slut.
c. Left behind.

You see Justin Timberlake at a club. What is your reaction?
a. A sexy dance-off.
b. A sexy duet.
c. "I wish my husband didn't look so much like a monkey!"

My friends call me high-maintenance because...
a. I demand the finest in leather-and-lace minidresses and biker hats.
b. It takes me hours to get through airport security due to all of my piercings.
c. I get lost a lot and I lose my train of thought and I get distracted and people have to constantly do stuff for me like find my keys or help me cross the street.

Mostly A's--Oops! You did it again. You're a slave for Britney! Get ready for the Onyx Hotel... On Showtime reruns.

Mostly B's--Come on over, you're a Christina! No, wait, go back over there. Ms. Aguilera cancelled her tour because of strained vocal cords and will not be performing in Milwaukee this summer. So go spend that money on something you really need, like a hepatitis shot.

Mostly C's--Hey brainiac, you're a Jessica Simpson. Now don't forget, your left hand makes an "L" when you hold it out in front of you.

(Originally published June 24, 2004)

Sean. Dan. Sue. Dirk. Joel. Debbie. Lori. Julie. Shelly. Tina Fabulous. Jackie. John. Jessie. Tiara. Kelly B.

One was a lumberjack lawyer. One was a frat boy. One drove trucks. One carried a Bible. One lived on a farm. One was a "psycho." One was a Mormon. One got eliminated in the first round. One sold prescription drugs and loved football. One had no gay-dar. One was average. One was fired. One could sing. One was transformed. And every single one of them was from Wisconsin.

Even if you've managed to steer clear of the reality programming for the past four years and have carefully avoided the day-after water-cooler talk about who did what to whom and why, it is still virtually impossible to be unaffected by this national and yet surprisingly local phenomena.

Ever since "Survivor" debuted in the summer of 2000 with three different cast members (Sue, Dirk and Joel) claiming Dairy State origins, American reality shows cannot seem to get enough of Wisconsin. "The Bachelor," "American Idol,"Survivor," "The Real World," "The Swan," "The Apprentice," "Big Brother," "Average Joe" and "Playing it Straight" are just a handful of the television shows to feature Wisconsinites as cast members. "Elimidate" and "Blind Date" seem to be here at least every other week. And auditions for future reality programming have become as familiar to the Milwaukee bar scene as free rail drinks for "ladies" on a Wednesday night.

I had always been under the assumption that the rest of the country (or at least people on the coasts) grouped Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan and Illinois into a large Midwestern lump not unlike the way we view Kentucky/Tennessee or Alabama/Arkansas/Mississippi/Louisiana. We have our own dialect, drive American cars, drink cheep beer, wear fashion a few years late and possess a strange work ethic that leads to setting 5 a.m. alarm clocks and writing gratuitous "thank you" letters. Oh, and we're all obnoxiously white and Christian. But oddly, there seems to be two Wisconsin residents for every one girl from Minneapolis or Chicago. Most are usually bright-eyed, obnoxiously cheery and naïve, though we also seem to produce a plethora of chain-smoking, hard-drinking surly tramps. Sometimes, though this is very rare, the two archetypes are combined for a surprisingly well-rounded character that tends to make it through most elimination rounds. But why us? Surely other Midwestern states have their share of simpletons and skanks chomping at the bit for a chance at national exposure.

According to Milwaukee native and television producer Mia Kaminsky, who has worked as the casting producer for "Shipmates," "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and "Blind Date," "Wisconsin produces the most flavorful people from the Midwest--we have our own accent and stereotype, but most of us are not so far removed that we're not hip to the ways of the world. In other words, we make good TV!"

So we make good characters, but is this reality phenomenon damaging to the image of Wisconsin residents? The majority of us did not grow up on an apple orchard or spend our Sunday, Sunday, Sundays at Great Lakes Dragaway in Union Grove, Wis. My experience in the suburbs of Milwaukee was one-half Dazed and Confused and one-half Mean Girls. The kids I grew up with lied, manipulated, forged signatures and lit things on fire. Not to mention, in the words of "Seinfeld's" Elaine Benes, "teased someone until they developed an eating disorder." (It was, after all, Brookfield.) Little House on the Prairie --or really anything involving manual labor and livestock--might as well have taken place on Mars. The State Fair was where you could get fried things on a stick, not where you earned a ribbon.

And thus, like many other Wisconsinites, I feel slighted by the naïve, stock character we produce who steps foot out of his or her small town for the first time--on national television, no less--and instantly discovers that the world is populated by people of different colors, backgrounds and sexual orientations. Sure they're still better than the greasy drunks from "Elimidate" who exude the trashy sadness of a Water Street bachelorette circa 2:30 a.m., but only because they're so damn innocent. It's really only a matter of time before Mormon Julie or no-gaydar Jackie becomes the Miller-swilling, trash-talking, hard-boiled Susan Hawk.

Granted, all of this could be an act that the particular reality "star" developed in order to get on television in the first place. Wisconsin residents seem more than eager to get their 15 minutes of fame vying for a creepy trust-funder with an eye twitch. (No offense, Firestone.) And long before anyone ever heard of Tina "Fabulous" Panas, Wisconsin had the highest "Bachelor" ratings of any state. Kaminsky thinks it has to do with location, that people like "The Apprentice's" Jessie or Kelly B. from "The Swan" are using reality programming as a means to capitalize on opportunities currently unavailable in our area--and on someone else's dime. While compiling research, I did notice that the majority of these reality contestants were now living out of state and usually owning their own business, something they may not have been able to afford before their respective show's hoopla.

So maybe this is a good thing, a kind of mutual exploitation on behalf of Wisconsinites and Hollywood, a symbiotic relationship between the host and the secretly devious ingenue. Hmm, I guess now I don't feel guilty for watching this trash after all.

(Originally published June 10, 2004)

Milwaukee isn't really a city known for its vegetarian cuisine. So when I moved back to the area, I was rather trepidacious about having to navigate my way around local menus. The only places I remembered that served anything even remotely veg-friendly were Beans and Barley and Outpost Foods (100 E. Capitol Drive and 7000 W. State Street) — and Outpost is a damn grocery store! Fortunately, Milwaukee has gone through some significant changes since the last time I lived here, and my search for a decent, animal-free meal was less tedious than I had originally anticipated.

Beans and Barley (191 E. North Avenue), is known as the quintessential Milwaukee vegetarian restaurant. The reputation, though, seems somewhat ironic as they seem to offer more chicken and fish dishes than tofu and tempeh. However, there are a decent number of meatless options, especially if you factor in the rotating selection of soups and salads. But the food is good and quite affordable and the restaurant offers enough variety to satisfy even the pickiest vegans.

The Palomino (2491 S. Superior Street) offers a bevy of vegetarian snacks and sandwiches — all deep fat fried. And thanks to the plethora of Bayside hipster customers, The Palomino labels which is vegetarian and which is vegan. The chicken-fried tofu is excellent, as are the onion rings, fried okra, French fries, tator tots and selection of dipping sauces. Warning: though this restaurant offers vegetarian food, there is no way to kid yourself that it is in anyway healthy. Most of the vegetarian menu is very deep, very fat and very fried. More often than not, you will leave the restaurant feeling like you have a greasy rock in your stomach — albeit a tasty, greasy rock.

Many of the hip diners and coffee shops in the area offer vegetarian cuisine, though are usually limited primarily to cheese, vegetable and hummus sandwiches (most of which are quite tasty). Gil's Café (2608 N. Downer Avenue) is the standout among the crowd with its decent selection of sandwiches, veggie burgers, pizzas, burritos, salads and nachos as well as outdoor seating and ample alcohol supply. It's also an excellent place to chill out and people watch. The Hi Fi Café (2640 S. Kinnickinnic Avenue) offers an excellent falafel sandwich, a decent spinach pie and a smattering of salads and vegetarian soups. The Comet Coffee Shop (1947 N. Farwell) is also a safe bet, especially due in part to its famous sandwiches (often called the best in the city) and vegetarian chili.

The more upscale Roots (1818 N. Hubbard St.) has an excellent selection of vegetarian-friendly food including polenta and chili dredged tofu, veggie burgers, salads and an amazing asparagus puree soup that, like the restaurant's incredible view of the city, is not to be missed. Also, the staff is very courteous if you have to ask long, extensive questions about how the food is prepared and if something is secretly marinated near or around chicken.

Coast (931 E. Wisconsin Avenue) has limited vegetarian faire, which would make sense as it is classified primarily as a seafood restaurant, though what they do serve is excellent. Be sure to try the tomato bisque soup and artichoke and goat cheese ravioli.

Maharaja (1550 N. Farwell Avenue) has an amazing buffet that includes South Indian dosai (thin crepe-like pancakes) and sambar (lentil soup to go on pancakes), something very hard to find in Milwaukee (and apparently only available at lunchtime). But what really makes this Indian restaurant exceptional is their incredible use of flavor! Prior to eating here, I was damn well convinced Milwaukee only produced bland, spiceless Indian food. Maharaja makes excellent food for people who are not afraid of a little curry. Their vegetarian menu is quite extensive and includes favorites like palak paneer (spinach and cheese), vegetable curry and channa masala (chickpeas and tomatoes).

If you're craving Japanese, Izumi's (2150 N. Prospect) offers a respectable selection of vegetarian appetizers including fried tofu and goma ae (spinach salad with sesame dressing), vegetable tempura, vegetarian stir-fry and an assortment of vegetable-based sushi rolls.

Lula's Café (2921 N. Oakland) blends Somalian, Ethiopian and Italian cuisines to offer a flavorful array of vegetable dishes served on traditional Ethiopian and Somalian injera bread. Lula's also offers pasta and vegetables with rice. However, as it is Milwaukee's only source for injera, it is the Ethiopian fanatics that ensure the restaurant is never empty.

Despite these options, Milwaukee is still best known for Friday night fish frys and "world class sausage." In my experience, a person on Atkins is still better served than a lowly vegetarian dieting for a small planet. Fortunately, most grocery stores in the area carry a wide variety of vegetables — so when all else fails, you can always make a salad.

(Originally published July 8, 2004)

When my friend Jennifer asked me what to expect from the Air concert on Thursday night, I told her "two French guys on a synthesizer." I wasn't kidding.

Though Air has been hailed as one of the most remarkable and innovative bands in recent years, their reputation for live performance is less than stellar. But then the lights began to pulse and The Rave filled with the ethereal noises of a Sofia Coppola film. The hipsters soon began to sway and shuffle in their legwarmers and trucker hats. It was hard for us not to be swept up in the crowd's ambivalent enthusiasm.

Air played primarily from the current EP, Talkie Walkie , with interspersed tracks from their four previous albums. I thought many songs felt rushed or at least shorter than I would have anticipated--especially for a group that is branded both as ambient and electronic. However, the audience seemed to prefer this brand of efficient indie rock to what could have easily been a secret electronic jam band. (Of course, even the worst jam bands have excellent reputations for live performance.) I tend to describe Air's recorded music as what you would hear when you imagine a movie from the '60s that looks into a future populated by egg-shaped furniture, lava lamps and robot servants--something along the lines of Futureland and Woody Allen's Sleeper by way of Stanley Kubrick. Or simply, "it makes good background noise."

In concert, however, Air is much more reminiscent of New Wave pop bands like the Thompson Twins or Pet Shop Boys. They utilize many of the same tricks, including my personal favorite--the key-tar (keyboard + guitar = awesome). And though Air had a great light show that rivaled Pink Floyd night at the planetarium, what I enjoyed most was the unapologetic use of one of the most misunderstood instruments in musical history. In fact, I would like to end this review by personally thanking Nicolas Godin and JB Dunckel for bringing the key-tar back to Milwaukee, even if only for one glorious night.

(Originally published April 29, 2004)

I've been going to concerts since I was a kid, and last Wednesday night was the first time in my life in which I finally heard a musician say "Hello Milwaukee" and actually mean it (no offense, Spinal Tap).

Welcome to the wonderful world of Weird Al: where accordions and polkas about lepers go hand in hand; where a fuzzy-haired satirist pulls off more sexual chutzpah than Prince; where jokes about Don McLean, Alanis Morrisette, the Presidents of the United States and the Amish are still honestly funny; where Star Wars fans aren't afraid to flash their light sabers at "Yoda"--or wear "Masturbation Is Not a Crime" shirts (note to that dude: it is in public places). And where a grown man can pull a pair of boxer shorts straight out of his pants as he croons in ways that would make Tom Jones blush. It is a fantastic, glorious world.

I went into Potawatomi's Northern Lights Theater not knowing what to expect and left thinking that Weird Al might very well be the greatest performance artist I've ever seen. I brought my parents and even they had fun--and they hate everything! Because of his new album, Poodle Hat, Al spent much of the night parodying newer artists like Blink 182, Eminem and Avril Lavigne. But here's the thing: he was better at it than they are. Significantly better. The man can sing, the man can rap, the man can do a mean cover of Led Zeppelin on a highly choreographed whim. Even classics like "My Bologna" and "Theme From Rocky XIII" sounded better than the originals.

And then there was the stage show. Beyond the singing, beyond the clever lyrics, Weird Al adds in dramatic costume changes (including full fat costume and makeup for, obviously, "Fat") and sketch comedy that shows in between the songs requiring said changes. He cleverly added montages of every film and TV show he's ever been mentioned or seen in, which is a lot, considering Mr. Yankovic has had a career as long as Madonna's. And they were all very, very funny.

I guess the irony in this performance is that Weird Al has done what Madonna has been killing herself to do for many years--stay fresh, innovative and brilliant. And he even looks better with age. Maybe life is just easier when you accept your weirdness because then you don't have to waste all that time and energy trying to be cool.

FYI: After Wednesday's performance, I am no longer embarrassed to admit that Dare to Be Stupid was the first album I ever bought with my allowance at the tender age of 7.

(Originally published August 25, 2004)